God Made it Happen
We haven’t opened up a lot on this blog, because we just haven’t gotten there yet. Someday, we will tell you all about our struggles to even form a family larger than myself, Jim and our dog, but not yet. Some of you know my health struggles, some of you do not. However, what you should know is that medically, having Bryce wasn’t possible. Having this little family, our Fearfully Made Family, wasn’t supposed to happen – scientifically.
I’m reminded of this each and every time I step foot into a doctor’s office. Today was no different. I’m reminded each and every time they create lab orders for an umpteen amount of vials of blood. (Today’s magic number – 11.) Each and every time I explain my symptoms and my struggles to someone new. Each and every time I see their eyes widen and those wheels turning in their head as they try to formulate a nice way to ask me if my child is OK.
I got pregnant with Bryce somewhere around July/August of 2012 despite the fact that we were told, numerous times, medically it wasn’t an option. I was pregnant, scared to death of “harming” a child with a sub-par incubation space, but excited.
Some days, I fall down, unable to walk – like my legs just don’t know how to work. Some days, I lose my patience with the sweet little boy that just simply wants to be held and cries out, “Mommy… Mommy…”. Some days, I am so tired that sleeping seems like something I could do all day. Some days, I hear people talking but it’s like I can’t catch their words – they escape before I can comprehend them. Some days, I ask the same question over and over again or call a friend more than once and honestly don’t remember that I talked to them moments earlier. Some days, I’m not here in mind, only in body.
You see… scientifically, medically, it wasn’t all supposed to be OK. It wasn’t supposed to happen.
BUT GOD MADE IT HAPPEN.
I certainly didn’t.
My body was doing all it could to be sure it wouldn’t happen. According to doctors, now plural, because of my health, Bryce shouldn’t be as healthy as he is today. Perhaps, medically speaking, he might not even have survived today. BUT GOD MADE IT HAPPEN. Bryce is one of God’s miracle babies. We are all His miracle babies. He wrapped Bryce in his arms inside my womb and protected him and me from anything harmful.
Days that I have doctor’s visits are so hard because it stirs up pain from the past, but also makes me see just how much He loves me. I stand in awe because I am so unworthy of a love like that. He showers me with love and gives me more grace than I could ever dream of. How do you accept a gift that amazing?